"Morgan fell in love with Scooby the pony. Morgan slurs because of the meds but somehow Desiree understood her. Morgan saw wild turkeys on her farm and asked questions about them. She helped brush Scooby; she helped take the tack on and off. She interacted with someone. She was here in reality. And I couldn't believe it. " - Danielle Frank
Here is our story. . . .
We have a very special little girl. In fact we have two wonderful daughters. Our Maddy is about to turn 12 years old. And she is vibrant; beautiful; patient; wonderful; and a great student. Our Morgan is way different than our healthy Maddy. Morgan is beautiful; shy; and wonderful however she has been diagnosed with Paranoid Schizophrenia. With that diagnosis she also has Attention Deficit Disorder; Anxiety; Night Terrors; Enuresis; Depression; Chronic Constipation; Medication induced Obesity; and Medication induced elevated cholesterol. She also exhibits signs of bipolar disorder. Quite the mouthful for a 10 year old little girl.
Our household is very different than most. We have been dealing with Morgan having a mental illness since she was 5 years old. However; we almost lost her beginning in August of 2013. I fell down our basement steps and shattered my ankle. Unfortunately; Morgan witnessed this accident. It was completely my own stupidity that it happened. I am blind as a bat without my glasses and I attempted to run down the steps to the laundry room without them on. Morgan somehow blamed herself for this accident; her psychiatrist explained it to us that she literally mentally broke inside. After I got home from the hospital we could see Morgan really was going down hill fast; her illnesses were taking over and she was disappearing in front of us. We were in the hospital several times; and on the phone with her specialists more times than any of us can count. Morgan would scream bloody murder and we couldn't figure out what was going on. She was angry; irrational; saying things like "we hated her"; "go away I can't hurt my mommy"; "stop touching me"; "No I won't do it." She would become fearful of our dogs. And she was getting violent towards us and her sister.
Her physicians had no choice than to admit her to the Psychiatric Unit at Akron Children's Hospital. That was the lowest point and most depressing day of all of our lives. Morgan still relives it often. If I close my eyes and the house is completely quiet I can still hear her screaming Mommy don't leave me. Please don't leave me as the nurses; social workers; and my best friend escorted me out. Everyone was assuring me that this was our only choice I had to leave her so she could get better. For 7 excruciating days I would only be allowed to see our daughter for an hour at a time supervised by nurses. During that hour Morgan would violently lash out; throw up; pick at herself to watch herself bleed; wet her pants; and scream at me that I was the worse Mother in the world for leaving her there; one visit she spit at Michael.
At our Psychiatrist advice with all the reports she was getting Morgan was discharged to come home. The unit was actually making her worse. The stopped all of 27 medications at once; which completely through her world upside down. Kathy Royer our wonderful Psychiatrist and Dr. Reynolds had no choice but medicate Morgan to the point that she was sleeping excessively. We also became very strict and rigid with our routine.
During this time Morgan was also rapidly dropping weight and becoming skin and bones. She couldn't focus enough to eat; she couldn't bathe herself; she couldn't sleep; dress; or function. You could not leave her alone in a room unsupervised. School was out of the question. Morgan stayed like this for approximately a year. Our school system jumped in as well as the County we lived in and set up at home instruction for her to have a one on one tutor for an hour a day so she would get some education. The county introduced me to a program called Wrap Around where we met with them and they just gave us ideas or let us vent. Our doctors made us realize that Morgan needed to be institutionalized on a permanent basis or I would be home with her. After seeing what the short term facility did to her; there was no question I stayed home. I left my career; our financial stability; and comfort without notice. I refused all physical therapy for my leg. And the surgeon who repaired my leg even agreed to take my cast off early because it was effecting Morgan so negatively. It was all to save our Morgan. We would be damned before she was going to become a statistic.
Everything would continue to change for all four of us. Morgan needed slow; low or no excitement. And no change. She couldn't handle the slightest difference in schedule. Whether it be a change as simple as French toast to pancakes for breakfast. Imagine an 8 year old not realizing that Christmas came and went. The Christmas of 2013 our 8 year old little girl got up opened a few presents and went back to bed. No expression; no excitement; just very confused as to what she was supposed to do or what to do. She was so medicated that she would have slobber running non stop out of her mouth. I would literally pick her up and carry her to the bathroom every hour. During this long period of time she went from skin and bones to rapidly gaining weight because of low or no exercise. We tried an exercise program at Akron Children's hospital. However it failed. The doctor made an innocent comment "I would rather you drink nothing; than choosing something over water." We almost lost Morgan to severe dehydration which lead to several infections. She actually had a PICC line inserted in her so antibiotics and fluids could be administered. The voices and disease that lived inside of her heard that statement and she literally drank nothing.
I would cry when she couldn't see me. I was so scared that I was going to lose her. Maddy became so depressed because she couldn't go to friends houses or have them over. Michael and I were losing contact with one another because there was no time. Many days I would tell him I completely understand if you have to leave to save yourself. For whatever reason Morgan wouldn't allow him to do anything for her. And she would continue to lash out at him. Yes she did to me too; but I was used to it. Michael couldn't separate it from taking it personal. We were at Kathy's office 2 times a week. I can remember sitting down and talking to Kathy and saying this isn't living we have to do something. Maddy is suffering; and Morgan is trapped. I know Kathy was doing everything she could. She wasn't failing the damn disease took hold and we had to break it. I started spending hours on the internet searching for help. Alternative therapies.
My dad sat me down and talked to me about Vietnam and his experience. He said that the Military didn't have post therapy when he came home. Post Traumatic Stress wasn't discovered yet. He told me about riding the horses and what it did for him. I started searching for places I could take her. There is a horse farm for mentally ill and other illnesses that works with children a little over an hour away from us but it had a year waiting list. I completed all the paperwork and sent it in immediately. In fact we are still waiting for a phone call from them and I sent everything in; in February of 2014. I found out they would want to see her 3x's a week at nearly $150 a session there was no way we could afford that. So I began emailing and calling everyone that I find with a horse. Family didn't respond who had horses. Others said it was too much of a risk. Then Morgan's tutor said; my grandpa has horses but they have never been ridden. Lets see what happens. When Morgan got close to them it was literally the first time I saw her smile in almost a year. We didn't leave for hours. It was pouring down sleet and it didn't matter.
Morgan was coming back to us. I continued to call and write horse farms. We started driving around and copying down addresses and sending in the mail letters to people that we had a little girl that just wanted to spend time with their horses. I am certain people thought we were crazy; but it didn't matter. Finally; Desiree Pesko at Rolling Thunder responded. She is a barrel racer on the circuit so she can't give lessons or it would disqualify her. But she said I am willing to try to see what the horses do for her. And it was a miracle. Morgan started talking to Desiree and asking questions. When I heard Morgan speak I about fell over in shock.
Morgan fell in love with Scooby the pony. Morgan slurs because of the meds but somehow Desiree understood her. Morgan saw wild turkeys on her farm and asked questions about them. She helped brush Scooby; she helped take the tack on and off. She interacted with someone. She was here in reality. And I couldn't believe it. Desiree made room in her schedule and just had Morgan start to come out and have Morgan help her with chores. And Morgan responded. Before I knew it Morgan was taken off 3 medications. Then in July of 2014 Desiree said have you ever thought about buying a horse? My mom and dad thought about it and we all agreed it would be a good investment. With Desiree's help we rescued Boo Kisses. And Desiree also got Maddy involved and Maddy's depression started improving.
I started an email that grew to a Facebook page about Morgan; called Team Morgan so that other parents could see the beautiful bond of Boo and Morgan. They could also have a place if their child was sick that they could relate too. We are honest; real; and true on Team Morgan. If it is happening in our lives it is on there. It has honestly become therapy for me.
Our savings and retirement became depleted before we knew it. Morgan's medications and medical care cost us approximately $7000.00 a month. We became eligible for Medicaid and Social Security benefits for Morgan in April of 2014. Which has helped greatly. But still our home is in foreclosure; our bills are behind; and we are constantly afraid of our car being in repossession because we are so far behind on everything. My husband Michael left his career and began another one so he is now literally 3 minutes from home. We never know when there is going to be an emergency that I need him here. My income being gone we were down $50k a year.
Honestly, we are in financial devastation. And it doesn't matter because Morgan is thriving. Her and Boo are doing so well. Morgan went back to school for her 4th grade year. She attends from 9:30 to 12:50. She also goes to therapy; art therapy; occupational therapy; communication therapy (starting this week); tutoring; speech therapy; Gastroenterology therapy; and her psychiatry appointments. Maddy also goes to therapy as well as psychiatry because this is so much for us to digest at 38 and 39 let alone 11 years old. But Morgan has not been in the hospital; or any Psychiatry unit since having the horses.
But we need help. Every family that has a mentally ill child needs help. And the only way to do this is to create awareness. I encourage you to please go to Team Morgan Ohio on Facebook. So you can read further and see our celebrations; our victories; our sadness; and our goals. I know I am home for the long haul. And that Morgan will probably be living with us forever. I can't even begin to thank Desiree for her continued support and time. In fact with Desiree's help we now have Ginger for Maddy. Ginger is a ham of a quarter horse that loves her Maddy. Ginger and Boo both come running when they see us coming down the long driveway to see them daily.
I am hoping that we can work with your organization to raise awareness. To gain more members to Team Morgan Ohio. And also give the recognition to these wonderful equine animals. Maybe if we can get some attention that will somehow raise some funding for Morgan so we will be assured that we can keep Boo and Ginger thriving as well as set aside moneys for our ultimate goal a place for Morgan to live with the horses. Just a simple place where Morgan can look out her window and see her horses. And see nature. Where she is most comfortable. We have never lived above our means before we are realistic. And we know that someplace small and simple is the best for us. I can't imagine what it will do to Morgan if we are homeless. And the fact that Maddy is in reality and what she will go through with her peers just honestly makes me sit and cry. Maddy has already had her grades slip and been in situations that she should never have to be in sticking up for her sister. I know kids are curious and cruel. But selling Boo and Ginger is not an option. Morgan is down 10 medications with them. And if she could attend school on a horse she would probably be a straight A student. I am not worried about me; it isn't about Michael and I. It is about our kids. They deserve roots and I can't afford to give it to them. We have been looking at homes in our area. My inlaws have agreed to finance a place for us. But what they don't understand is there may be not money to pay them back. And I don't want to put them in financial devastation.
Child Mental illness is real. When no attention is given to it; school shootings happen; suicide happens; runaways happen. Rape; drug abuse; and other tragedies happen. We need to give light to it. If Morgan and Boo can save one person than this will be worth it. I know that horses may not be the answer for everyone but perhaps we can give the inspiration to a child to find their outlet.
Please don't hesitate to call me or email me. My phone is 330-206-3865. And my email is Danielle3676@gmail.com.
Thank you. Danielle Frank
